I suppose it’s my own fault, really. It’s difficult to entertain yourself when you stay in your room for so long.
Now that you have mentioned it, I would know that when you’re on your darker days to remind you of who you are truly instead of the mean person you are then. I would know that whatever you would say at that moment are not words that you mean to say but in fact is a defense mechanism that you have built to keep yourself from harm.
Have you forgotten that pain and hurt is something I do not feel on a regular basis? *chuckles lightly.* If you would never let me suffer in silence, I would not let you remain in your dark days even if I have to drag you out in the scorching sun and stay there with you for hours, I would. You won’t go through it alone either.
No matter what days you would have, I’ll always be by your side Iri. That is a promise I intend to keep.
A strong heart that has crumbled a little now after being dropped to the ground. A few cracks here and there, but still good.
I have mentioned that forever is an awfully long time, I gave him a moment to consider before saying it again but he said ‘forever it shall be then’. Perhaps he really doesn’t think of the consequences of his words. Though at this point, I wish he had gotten cold feet when I mentioned the time-length of forever before I trusted his words. Croc, a trouble maker. I guess I could understand where that reputation would come from seeing as he has no comprehension or proper understanding of his words or actions could lead to.
So, it’s settled, then! We will keep each other strong, forgive each other’s mistakes, and pull each other from our beds on dark days when we refuse to leave them. After all, the support of a friend is far more effective than any drug they can give us here!
Always. Even if I should leave here, and return to Neverland — we must visit each other! You can show me your home, and I can show you mine.
Then we’ll have to fix it up; it’s merely aesthetic damage. You’re young, Kida, and it can be repaired.
Oh, some people just don’t heed to an honest suggestion, do they? He really shouldn’t have promised you forever … I do believe he feels for you, but it was a reckless thing to say, in any case. When was the last time you spoke to him, Kida? He might have thought it all through, by now. His rapport for trouble shouldn’t put you off — you may be able to tame the Crocodile yet.
(Source: --iridescence)
As you have mine Iri. No matter what happens, anything said or done would not cloud my judgement of you because this right now is who you really are and the flaws are of no matter. As you also have my utmost trust. Though there are times where I might go back to before and refrain from telling you anything I’m feeling, feel free to remind me of the trust and faith we have for each other.
Perhaps one day I could repay your kindness by being there for you on one of your bad days. Maybe I could be strong for the both of us if that time ever comes. If there’s one thing in this asylum that makes things easier to bare, it would be you Iri constantly reminding me of the strength I thought I had long lost. Never had I ever thought that giving my heart to someone would be seen as courageous. I was always thought to believe that love was something that represents weakness and when I had done exactly that, I gave up hope on ever being strong.
It was hard to tell him at first but when I finally got around to telling him, feelings seemed to pour out of me without me realizing it. Yet for Croc, it seemed effortless when he told me he wanted me forever even after I tried to push him away once. He seemed so sure that forever with me was exactly what he wanted, yet now he seems to be unsure about it. What he is unsure of, I don’t know. It could be whether he actually loved me or I was merely another conquest of his. Reputation? What sort of reputation did Croc had back in Neverland? If only I had known more about Croc, perhaps I could understand him more than just his current facade.
You cannot understand how much this all means to me, Kida. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your friendship. Oh, I can assure you that I will never allow you to keep secrets of your feelings from me! No, I will always find a way to get through to you. I refuse to let you suffer in silence.
Again, I would hope that you never have to catch me on a bad day. I would not ask you to be there fore me, because it would hurt me — terribly — if I said or did anything to upset you. Despite your strength, and even if you could still see the good in me afterwards, there is no guarantee that my words will never be cruel enough to cause you pain. I think you would be surprised, how capable I’ve been in the past of hurting the kindest of individuals — people I care about deeply. They may forgive me, but I’m certain they don’t forget the awful things I say. Then again, when I do happen to be having a bad day, I suppose that most people simply add fuel to the fire. But you should know that I never mean it. Never. And it sometimes makes it easier when people know what to expect.
No, no. I trust that you’ll handle the situation beautifully, should it ever arise. And I’ll always be there to reinforce your strength — even on my darker days.
It takes a strong heart to love, Kida — I’ve met some people who can’t bear to endure it.
Yes, as soon as that dam breaks, the words just don’t seem to stop. It does get easier to talk to people, the more you do it — especially if you happen to love that person. I very much doubt that it was effortless, on his part — “love” doesn’t strike me as a word he throws around freely. You need to understand, Kida, that forever is a long time, and when people makes promises of it, they’re bound to get cold feet at least once. To me, he seems scared, and it’ll take a lot for him to admit that to you. His reputation? Oh, Croc was a trouble-maker. He was not a bad person, but simply didn’t seem able to comprehend the consequences of his actions.
(Source: --iridescence)
Even if I do see your bad side, I’m sure I wouldn’t leave you. But then again, I don’t think you have a bad side Iri. You have not seen me on one of my bad days; I say things I don’t mean and somethings I don’t even say anything. That’s exactly what you’re doing now, helping me.
I’ll bare it all to you because I trust you, I have never confided in anyone as I have with you. Somehow when I talk to you, I feel like I can tell you anything and you would not hold it against me which makes me feel as if a whole weight lifted of my shoulders. Perhaps I could keep my strength with your help Iri. Not weak? Ah, perhaps that was before I gave away my heart. Now I feel completely disorientated and confused.
I have told him how I truly feel about him, I have said I loved him. I have never loved anyone like I do with him, for far too long I have not said those three words and when I said it, I had given him all my trust. So I guess you could say he is my confidant. Now that you mentioned it, Croc has not told me anything about his past or anything much about himself. Perhaps it is worth a shot to talk to him and get him to tell me more about himself which I would not give up on until I get something out of him. Iri, is there something about Croc that I should know about?
I can identify with you, Kida — it appears we share similar flaws. But I give you my unconditional faith; I promise never to judge you, what ever you may say or do. I can see the good in you, far more clearly than in most others I have met in my life, and you openly admit to your mistakes. This, I feel, is all I need to know in order to give you that unconditional faith.
I’m honoured that you trust me, Kida, particularly to that extent. I hope that you always feel that comfortable — that you can tell me anything without any worry in your mind. Oh, you don’t need me to keep your strength, Kida! You possess so much of it, I doubt it will ever fade. You may have given Croc your heart, but that does not make you weak. To give your heart to someone is a courageous feat. Please, try to remember that.
People never confess to love without sentiment — when Croc told you that he loved you, it can’t have meant nothing. I’m sure that it is immensely difficult for you, Kida, more so than most. You’ve clearly been raised to comprehend that such feelings are for the weak, but I want you to know that love isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Yes, Croc’s enigmatic exterior comes as no shock to me at all … it is definitely worth a try to get him to open up to you. Hmm … I suppose that there’s not really much personal information I can give to you about Croc. He had a reputation, you see, but it’s all a facade. There’s more to him than his reputation.
(Source: --iridescence)
You know what Iri, to have felt a little bit of happiness is better than feeling none at all. Someday you might have your confusion but you’ll get through that and perhaps you would get your light and flight back! Maybe people just need to look past the bad qualities and see the good ones. No matter how bad your bad side may be, I always believe you have a better side than that. It’s proven by how you’re helping me now.
Yes, we can’t. But it does get exhausting after a while. There are times where I just want to give in and not fight anymore. What’s worst is the hurt I feel after Croc makes everything more difficult to bare. I’m trying to keep myself in check, reminding myself everyday of how I should be more of a strong princess than a weak one. I’m really glad you think of me as an ideal Princess. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that from anyone.
But why would he want to take it back if he did mean it? But how do I break down his walls? I’m sure even if I told him that I love him he wouldn’t listen nor change his mind. They don’t? What can I do to change his mind Iri?
I hope you’re right, Kida; I really do. I also hope that you never have to see my bad side, even if you will be able to look past it. Helpful? I’m glad you think so. I always wanted to do that — help others.
I know you have it in you to maintain your strength.
You are not weak, Kida. You could not be farther from it.
Croc is aman of simple pleasures, Kida. You, it would seem, are too complex for his small mind to handle. However, there is room for growth in that mind of his. Is Croc your confidant? Did you tell him things about yourself that you’ve never told a person before? That’s typically how a person’s walls are broken, and how they grow. You need to get to the core of Croc’s being. He has problems, like anyone else, and he has secrets. You need to let Croc know that you can be his confidant, too. All love affairs begin with friendship, Kida, and when he gives you his story, he might just give you his heart, like you gave him yours.
(Source: --iridescence)
Sometimes being numb is the best thing in the world when you’re feeling too many emotions. These days, the drugs are starting to take effect and I feel so many emotions at once, it confuses me. It feels like my emotions are trying to take control of my entire being. Iri, you were the one that was kind to me to begin with, it would be much too rude and indecent to not repay that kindness.
Maybe because I haven’t been acting like a princess anymore. It is hard and exhausting to constantly be fighting to be strong when the drugs in your system are slowly breaking you down. *chuckle lightly*
He did say forever. But he doesn’t mean it anymore, he wants to take it back. I was stubborn before, but he broke down that wall and now I’m left with nothing. Perhaps what you heard was right, I was just another conquest of his. How weak of me to have fallen for his ‘forever’ and ‘i love you’s.
Yes, numbness does sound … better than this. Sometimes, I wonder if the little phases of happiness I have are worth it. Confusion … I’m no stranger to that either. I used to be so bright — I was Mary’s star pupil — and now … it’s too difficult to understand anything. After losing my flight and light, my wits were all I had left, and now I’m losing them, too! It seems unfair that they’re taking our qualities away from us. I’m glad that you still see the kindness in me, Kida — sometimes I worry that people no longer have any faith in my good nature, after the see the worst of my character.
But we can’t let our emotions win, can we? If we do that, the doctors win, too.
And I do think you act like a princess — you’re charming, and regal. Fortunately, you lack the less desirable personality traits that derive from royalty. You’re an ideal princess!
There is a chance that he did mean it, Kida. He may say he wants to take it back, but that could very well be because he feels vulnerable. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful young woman — you can easily break down his wall, as he did yours. Men like Croc are flirtatious — but they don’t just throw “I love you”s at anyone. Don’t let yourself be a conquest, Kida, because you’re so much more than that.
(Source: --iridescence)
That is very sweet of you to say Iri. Well apparently I don’t feel enough emotions and I am too caught up with myself. I have explained it several times to my doctor that I am a Princess and princesses do not feel any emotions because it is a sign of weakness. The drugs they give me are to force me to either feel all of my emotions or none at all sometimes if I take too many at a go.
I don’t see why you have to take any medications either Iri. You seem perfectly perfect to me.
Previous conquests? I have fallen for him. I didn’t want to initially but Croc was so convincing when he said ‘forever’ and I believed him. But it seems he doesn’t love me nor want me at all. *sighs and shakes her head.* Silly Kida.
How odd … “don’t feel enough emotions”? I feel too many. Too many for me to handle, anyway. Anger, and sadness — at such intensities that I feel I might combust … but I’ve never felt numb; I’ve never felt nothing. Sometimes, I wish that was the case.
Too caught up with yourself? Kida, you’ve shown me such kindness since we met — I find that very hard to believe. A friend of mine recently told me that her father used to say that it was all right to be selfish, sometimes.
I had no idea you were a princess, Kida! But, yes — I can see it, now! The way you carry yourself, and your strength … yes, you are most definitely a princess. How did I not see it before?
And as for Croc …
I could be wrong … I may be relying too heavily on rumour and hearsay. He said “forever”, did he? Well, perhaps he — like you — is stubborn in the sense that he doesn’t want to fall for someone. He might see it as weakness, as you do.
Oh, he is definitely the silly one, Kida — not you.
(Source: --iridescence)
Yes it’s Wendy, I’m sorry but I don’t recognize you… yes! I’m talking about Peter Pan! He’s a slimy little lizard! He kissed me and I forgot about it and now Oliver hates me for it! Its not my fault!
That’s not surprising — we never actually met … but I know who you are; Tinkerbell and Peter have both mentioned you before. In fact, Peter and I were discussing his situation just the other day … I may have accidentally upset him … just a little bit … but he’s fine, now …
Anyway, my name is Iridessa. It’s nice to meet you, Wendy, although I wish it were under better circumstances.
You know, Peter values you as a friend — very much so — and he told me that he felt terrible about what had happened. Peter just … doesn’t understand love, at all, not even with all my explaining … he seemed rather frightened by the idea of it, actually.
I’m sure this “Oliver” you speak of … well, I’m sure everything will be fine between you. Does he know Peter? Because I can imagine him being understanding, if that’s the case.
That thought did cross my mind. I have tried that method of hiding it under my tongue. I got away with it a few times but got caught in the end. I just don’t understand how they knew because I got away a few times. Perhaps they realize I am not acting the way I should be acting after taking the meds.
Croc didn’t do anything. I was just weak to have fallen for him. That’s all.
Well, in that case, I’m surprised they believe I take the medication myself — there’s been no improvement to speak of. Yes, I will have to try it … and if I get caught, I suppose I’ll deal with the consequences.
To be quite honest with you, Kida, I see no reason for you to be taking medication at all. You seem genuinely lovely to me, as though there’s been no mind-altering pills in your system. You can often tell, when a person’s character is reliant on the medication …
So, you’ve fallen for the mighty Crocodile … you’re certainly not the first, Kida, although I have to say that you seem very different from his previous conquests. I do hope he comes to his senses … if not, then he’s not worth a second of your time.
(Source: --iridescence)
